A French lesson - with dirty jokes!
Q What do you call a French seller advancing Baghdad AA - Q Where can you find 60,100,000 French jokes A In France - Q Why zee zee French have the onion and the Arabs zee zee oil a Car zee zee french had first choice - Q How do you fill a BRAINWASH a french boots with water a cannibal entered the butcher shop to buy brains for dinner, she saw that the American and British brains April 95 lb were French and 450 brains were 00 per lb. She gasped and asked the butcher if the price of French brain was a misprint m Not my replied the butcher That's correct price well why the french brain so dear cried the Cannibal do you know how much it takes to get a french book brains responded the butcher - Q how many generations does it take to learn ingratitude a Trois.
- Q Is it rude to call a French frog A Yes, it is unfair to amphibians Q Why French start using garlic A To improve their breath - Q How are the French babies born with their hands go .
Q Wy don t miss French bomb Saddam Hussein A He hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret is the French Conan O Brien Finally this week, French soldiers in Afghanistan showed figures as the French to manifest after the work was done Jay Leno Q Why are the french call their Mirage fight Because he's ever seen in a combat zone Q How do you kill a french Slam toilet seat down when it starts to get a drink Q what do you call a French fighter to come to the aid of American and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert Mirage the only way the French are going in is if we tell them that we found truffles in Iraq the french are still reluctant to make the wishes of their friends and always more willing to make the wishes of their enemeies Q Why do the ships of the french navy have glass bottom was to see all the other ships Q Why are the French use a lot of bleach on their leaves have So you can see better their white flags Going to war without the French is like going hunting without accordion French are the war that the British are Donald Rumsfeld kitchen was heckled by a Weenie French anti-war when he suddenly turned and asked the French Excuse me Do you speak German the answer French No Rumsfeld looked in the eyes and said you're welcome Q How the French react to German reunification They put up speed bumps to slow border panzers Q what do you call a man who needs as a body armor on the back a Jacques Chirac Q what is another way to spell the name of the french President Jacques ChIrak a man askes her companion, what is the expressi the most common is his friend French scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and answers, I renounce Q Why is it good to be a French you can make at the beginning of the war, and the United States will win for you Q What is the French battle flag is three flowers of white lies on a Q white background Why French always carry shout OW links a match their Q What teeth is the best place to hide your money a Sub soap a a French what do you get if you see a French up to his neck in the sand More Q Q sand what is the mayor of Paris said the German army entering a table for a hundred thousand, sir Q How can you tell if a French were in your backyard to your garbage is gone and your dog is Q pregnant what do you do if you are driving on a French has reversed Q have you heard of french who lost his license for prat iquer the medicine he was caught having sex with some of his patients he's ashamed, he was the best veternnarian Q city How to stop a French tank to get the guy's pushing a French rifle for sale on ebay it n has never been fired and he fell once Q Why have the French moustashes a to remind them of their mothers You really rely on the French, after all, they won t fight it the President Bush and Ambassador french Iraq CRIS is discussing the President explained If we do not stop Hussein soon, any future conflict with this insane would be a blood bath nuclear the interpreter could not translate this, however, because there is no word for bath in french Q How many french soldiers there to change a light bulb five to sit on his ass and watch and do nothing to turn tail and run a rolling on to go to the ampoul e and sneak occupied sockets and to pick up a phone and cry to the United States Q What happens when a French doesn t pay his garbage bill they stop delivering Q How ruin french side Rinse the punch bowl french Q How long does it take to screw in a light bulb one, it still stands Chirac and Europe revolves around him Q what is German Maginot Welcome Q Why French sells water skis there could not find a lake with a hill in the Q you go to a cockfight How do you know if French is a it's the one with a duck Q How do you know if an Italian is he bet on a duck Q How do you know if the mafia is it a duck wins French Q How many does it take to screw in a light bulb a All a screw the bulb, the rest to brag about how much french are screwed Q how french it take to screw in a light bulb it does No matter t; if you are based on the French to do the job, it's screwed anyway French tanks have 6-speed, rear 5 and 1 before the forward is in case they are attacked from behind Q Why do we need France to our side against Saddam and Osama the French can show them how to get Q What do you do if a French launched a hand grenade at you to take the pin and throw it back Q What do you do if a French throws a pin at you Run like hell was it even had a grenade in his hand between her teeth Q have you heard about the accident French helicopter pilot was cold, so he turned off fan Q How do you get a French Throw a bath in a Q bar of soap How to break a finger Hit the nose Q what do you call a French girl friends with 1500 AA shepherd Q How confuse French You a French has Put it in a piè this round and say piss in the corner Q How do you keep an outstanding French real quote from French President Jacques Chirac as much as I mc ONCERNED, war always means failure, he was obviously talking about the French Q What is the difference between a skunk and a dead French dead in the middle of the a There are skid marks in front of the skunk Q What he says on the bottom of a Perrier bottle in France Open other end Q have you heard of the French hockey team they drowned in spring training Q have you heard of the new automatic French parachutes They open at impact Q have you heard of the French submarine with a screen door Don t laugh a fish he keeps George W Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac to relax in a sauna Parisian suddenly there was a distinct sound beep President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb the beep arr other side watched him curiously Oh, it was just my pager, said George I have a chip embedded under the skin of my forearm Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a ringing phone Tony Blair lifted his palm to his ea r ringing order the Prime Minister explained, it was my cell phone, I chaps a telecommunications chip implanted in the palm of my hand at that time, french President Jacques Chirac feeling kind of low-tech Without saying anything, he spun quickly to the sauna, but returned momentarily When he returned, Bush and Blair both stared increduously it appeared a long piece of toilet paper was suspended When the rear of the French Jacques saw he had the attention of the other two men, he feigned surprise holy Mary I think I'm getting a fax Q How French is needed to guard er Paris has Nobody knows, his Q was never tried What is the color of the American flag red, white and blue Q What is the British flag color A red, white and blue Q What is the color of the French flag A white Q what do you call 100,000 french with their hands at the army Q what France was called a German, then we saved the Q Why don t they have fireworks at Euro a Disney Because every time they the Spawn, the French test to surrender Three guys, one English, one French and one American were to walk along the beach together one day they come across a lantern and a genius of it comes out, I'll give each of you one wish, said the American genius said, I am a farmer, my father was a farmer, and my son as strong, I want that land is still fertile in America with a nod of engineering, FOOM the land in America was fertile for agriculture for the French still was surprised, he said, I want a wall around France, so that no one can come to our precious country again, with a nod of Engineering, he POOF there was a huge wall around France Englishman request, I am very curious please tell me more about this wall The Genie says, well, it is about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, and nothing may come or out of the English words, fill it with water Q What is the difference between a French and a wolf at the French is not quite as hairy but the werewolf feels better Q Why planting of trees along French Champs Elysées Thus, the Germans could walk in the shade Q what do you call a French with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other AA bisexual Englishman, an American and a French are visited by a genie who grants them one wish each Englishman wants it fl transported to a beautiful paradise American wishes he was rich and famous the French want the English and the American had returned to his mind for him Q How do you get a tree penguin has French Q Wave him how the German conquest France has so quickly they marched back and the French thought they leavling Q Why does Christ was not born in France because they could not find three wise men and a virgin Q What do -they call the Germans, the French and the Belgians at the Pentagon Axis of Weasels Q US army holders what this combat boots that the French army carries a sho es track Q How you strain out a a French warship put in the water a French into a bar with a duck under his arm the bartender says HEY You can not bring this pig here French said sorry, but this duck's back the bartender says, Excuse -moi, but I was talking with the cana rd despite doing what most observers agreed obvious technical errors, such as abandonment, the Taliban have been awarded the victory in the war in Afghanistan last night after the French judge said they earned on presentation SatireWire Q Did you hear bout French Bomber he flew 30 successful missions a French firing squad is in a circle, then abandoned once lived there became an orphaned rabbit and a snake made orphans by a surprising coincidence, both were born blind one day, the rabbit hopped through the forest, and the snake undulating through the forest when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell Oh, said the rabbit, I'm terribly sorry, I have not hurt you, I have b een blind since birth, so I can not see where I'm going in fact, since I am also an orphan, I do not even know what I'm There East quite OK, replied the snake In fact, my story is the same as yours, too, have been blind since birth, and also did not know that my mother Tell you what, maybe I could crawl on you and work that you are, so at least you have that going you Oh, that would be wonderful replied the rabbit so the snake in the rabbit and said, well, you're covered in soft fur; you have very long ears; your nose; tics and you have a soft cottony tail, I would say you need to be a rabbit Oh, thank you thank you, crying rabbit, in obvious excitement Bunny suggested the snake Maybe I could feel everything with my paw and help you the same way you helped me Thus, the rabbit felt the snake everywhere, and pointed out, well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no spine and no balls I would say that you must be a French American walks down the street when he saw a French with a very long pole and a stallion, he is standing the pole at its end and trying to reach the top of it with seeing his stallion ignorance of Polak, American Keys pole on his hand, put it on the sidewalk, with the measurement standard, and said it 10 feet along the French taking the measure and screams, silly american, I don t care how long it is I want to know comm ent is high Q What recruits learn French in basic training Getting A in 17 languag es Q Why are the French agree to build the Channel Tunnel A To make it easier to escape to England when the Germans come again Q Why Nike as the French army a they are a big buyer of running shoes Q Why do French celebrate their world Cup championship so wildly a This was the first time they won anything without using the USQ what is the most useful thing in the rearview mirror AA french army, so they can see what the war Q green, cold, slimey and cawing french AA Q Why not t French eat MM candy them they're too hard to peel Seen on the back of the bathroom door here I am sitting with my buns a clenchin, giving birth to another Q What French is the difference between the fran lish and toast can make toast soldiers.
France has neither winter nor summer nor morals Apart from these drawbacks, it is a beautiful country France has often been governed by prostitutes Mark Twain.
I love the French They taste like chicken - Hannibal Lecter.
I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French behind me General George S Patton.
Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion Norman Schwartzkopf.
We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it - Marge Simpson.
As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure Jacques Chirac, President of France.
As for France, you are right Rush Limbaugh.
The only time France wants to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee Regis Philbin.
There was one French, one English and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a car on a train through Provence Suddenly, the train through a tunnel and as it was an old-style train, there was no light in the car and it went completely dark then there was a sound kiss and the sound of a really loud slap When the train out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the English were sitting as if nothing had happened and french had his hand over his face as if he had been slapped french was thought the English Fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead Claudia Schiffer thought french fella must have tried to kiss me and really embrace the English and got slapped for it and the English thinking it is great the next time the train passes through a tunnel, I'll make another sound kiss and slap that bitch in French new.
The French are a bit small, research monkey group and did not participate better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore right, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why is it more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I do not know PJO Rourke, 1989.
The next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.
An old saying Raise your right hand if you like the French Raise both hands if you are French.
You know, the French remind me a bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine on her appearance, but did not face him for John McCain, U S Senator from Arizona.
You know why the French don t want to bomb Saddam Hussein because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret He is French, people Conan O Brien.
I do not know why people are surprised that France won he help us Saddamout Iraq After all, he wouldn France we help the Germans out of France Jay Leno.
The last time the French asked for more proof, he came walking in Paris under a German flag David Letterman.
Runaway by Del Shannon, Walk Right In Singers roof, fish Everybody Somebody by Connie Francis, Running Scared Roy Orbison, I really want Don t know Tommy Edwards Surrender by Elvis Presley, Save It For Me by The Four Seasons, Live and let Die by Wings, I'm not letting you play Donny and Marie Osmond, what a fool believes the Doobie Brothers, do not worry, be happy by Bobby McFerrin raise your Hands by Jon Bon Jovi.
How many French does it take to change a light bulb A He holds the bulb and the whole of Europe revolves around him.
Eleven thousand soldiers lay under the earth and stone, all buried in a distant land so far away from home.
For just a bunch of pathetic beach they paid the price for a hero to save a foreign nation they all made the sacrifice.
And now the Normandy coast are lined with blocks of white Americans who didn t turn away someone else's fate.
Eleven thousand reasons for the French to take our side, but at the time we need, they chose to run and hide.
Chirac said any war means loss, perhaps for France, which is true because they have lost every battle since the days of Waterloo.
Without a soldier is nothing to be found in the region, the French became the only ground need a Foreign Legion.
French you all that we are arrogant hell Well, we won the right We saved your nation sorry when you miss the courage to fight.
But now you've made a big mistake, and one you'll regret; you took sides with our enemies, and we won t forget.
It wasn t just our citizens spit on you when you turned, but each of you that fell the day the towers burned.
You spit on our soldiers, pilots and Marines, and now you have a little sense of what it means return on investment.
So keep your modes Paris and your wine and champagne, and find another market t who will buy your planes.
And try to find someone else to wear your French toilet water, you're about to learn what it means to be alone.
You see, you need a lot more than we ever you need America better friends who know to be true.
I would rather stand with the warriors who have the will and power, that huddle in the darkness with those whose only flag is white.
I'll take the Brits, Australians, Israelis and the rest when it comes to value we have seen that they're the best.
We will count on another as we face a moment to say, while you're sitting on the sidelines with a sign of friendship for rental.
We will win this war without you and we will calculate the total costs, and from your foreign aid, and you will feel the loss.
And when your nation begins to fall, although Frenchie, you can save us, just call the Germans to hand, they know the way to Paris.
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