Edwards joking: # 39; I should # 39; the # 39 wrecked ve !;
Q What do you call 1000 Restrictor plates at the bottom of the ocean In a good start.
Q Why is not worried NASCAR driver Jeremy Mayfield on the test would again positive for methamphetamines in Hollywood called and wished her co-star in a series of Speed Racer.
Q How can you tell when a nascar fan observed a Formula One race A When he taps you on the shoulder and asks Are we looking at the qualifications.
Q Why NASCAR turn off the law of the Polish victory A Because it interfered with the ability of Jeff Burton to finish the race.
Q What Matt Kenseth use fans to Birth Control A personality.
Q What is the gift conductors t eat before a big race A In case they indy-management.
Q What does NASCAR stand for a non-Athletic Sport Centered around rednecks.
Q If Robert Pressley, John Andretti and Geoff Bodine were in a boat and the boat well, that would be saved a half of Sunday's race cars.
Q What is the hardest to try to become the first woman to win the Daytona 500 To tell your parents that your lesbian.
Q What's the worst thing about Jeff Gordon 5 fans go on a cliff in a Monte Carlo Monte Carlo A A 6 places.
Q What is the difference between the car and Tony Stewart On A porcupine porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.
Q How can you tell when Mark Martin will say something intelligent A It starts with me once heard Tony Stewart say.
Q What Kevin Harvick favorite color A Yellow Flag Warning.
Q Why Rednecks Do It Doggy So they can both watch the race.
Q What does the car have said the letter R A Come join me.
Q What do you call the Michael Waltrip race his car attached to the back of Jeff Gordon A Actually the restrictor plate.
Q Where can you find thousands of Redneck Jokes At any NASCAR event.
Q Why rednecks HARD only A A Racetrack Because they can not drive on the road.
Q What does Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common their last Big Hit The Wall was.
Q What Dale Earnhardt be done if he were alive today a Banging on the coffin lid trying to get out.
Q racing drivers do not stop and take a nap to you Yeah, when they tire.
Q What Brittany Spears and Dale Earnhardt Jr share the two blowing Stalk.
Q Why is Tony Stewart still in A Lead ADORE It slammed in the back.
Q Why is a Formula One driver shit bag in his wallet identification.
Have you heard Bobby Labonte is in hospital Apparently he spent anything hasn t for almost 2 years.
My girlfriend told me that my lovemaking reminds him of Earnhardt Jr. Because every time I do that I find far from the wreck before I finish.
Have you heard Jeff Burton went to work for the telephone company so he can finally get over the bar.
Dale Earnhardt Jr A man walks into a bar with his dog a Sprint Cup race is on TV he sits and wonders how Dale Earnhardt Jr. is The bartender said Earnhardt is 25 The dog jumps and runs around the Barstool 25 times a few laps later the bartender said Earnhardt Jr. is the dog jumps up to 10 again and runs around the Barstool 10 times a few laps later, the bartender said Earnhardt Jr. is 3, after which the dog jumps again and turns around 3 After the bartender said bar stool WOW This dog is incredible that it make if Earnhardt Jr. wins I do not know, said the man, I had him for 2 years.
Town Kyle Busch and Jeff Gordon were circulating a small country town when Kyle accidentally struck and killed a goat Well, Jeff made it up to the farm house and apologize They drove to the farm, Kyle came out and hit at the front door and was left in it was there for what seemed like hours when Kyle came out, Jeff was confused about why he had been so long well, first the farmer shook me hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me cookies, and daughter filled me with kisses explained the man in black did you say the farmer Gordon asked Kyle Busch answered, I told him I was riding with Jeff Gordon and I had to kill the old goat.
Mechanic A mechanic is standing outside the garage Roger Penske just to check the new Taurus, and can t help but notice that Mr. Penske has a dog under each arm Mechanical waves and said, Welcome, Roger dogs, Nice, Mr. Penske smiled and said: These aren t The dogs that are true Labrador Retrievers I has a Rusty, and I'm the one for Jeremy The mechanic said, good job, sir.
Al Unser Jr. Al Unser Jr. called the police, saying they stole my dashboard, they stole my wheel, they stole my brake pedal, hell, they even stole my gas pedal while before the cops can ask where he is, he says: Hey, do not bother me, I'm not in the back seat.
Potato Kyle Busch trying to find a wife if Dale Earnhardt Jr. has decided to help, he told Kyle that the next time he's on the beach to put a potato in his trunks and ladies will gather around Kyle goes for 3 consecutive days with no luck, it is about to leave when he saw Dale Earnhardt Jr. and said I do not understand, I did what you said and now no woman will come when near Dale looks at me and just point and said the potato goes forward.
Drivers Lounge Jimmie Johnson was sitting in the lounge chatting with drivers Dale Earnhardt Jr., drink his diet Mountain Dew and minding his own business when suddenly WHACK Kyle Busch comes and knocks him off his stool and onto the floor Rowdy Busch said it was a Superman Korea's karate chop GEEZ think, what the hell got into Kyle but returned on the stool and starts drinking when all of a sudden WHACK Kyle hit him again, and said, it was a judo chop Japan Thus, the Five Time Champ had enough of that, he gets up, brush off and quietly leaves Jimmie went for about an hour when he comes back without saying a word, he walks behind Kyle Busch Wham knock the daylights Little Busch, leaving the cold Champ looks Dale Earnhardt Jr. and said, When it comes, tell him that the Crowbar Lowe's.
Child Protection A boy of ten years was the center of a courtroom drama Maricopa County yesterday when he challenged a court ruling on who should have custody of the boy he has a history of being beaten by his parents and the custody judge initially assigned to her aunt, in accordance with the law of child custody and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained at the highest possible degree the boy surprised the court when he proclaimed his aunt beat him more than his parents and categorically refused to live with her when the judge then suggested that he lives with his grandparents, the boy cried and said they also beat after reviewing the rest of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented initiative of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him after two recesses to check legal references and talk with child protection officials, the judge granted temporary CUSTOD are Danica Patrick, the boy believes is not able to beat everyone.
Icy Bridge Jeff Gordon is a walk in the snow, he slides an ice bridge, hit his head and falls into an icy river Three children see happen They jump and save him when he comes, he said, the boys you have recorded a Cup champion three times Winston you deserve every reward you name it, and you Got it the first child said, I like to go to Disneyland Rainbow Warrior said, I will send you and your family for a week to Disneyland the second boy said, I d like a 4 wheeler so I can leave my house behind mudbogging Gordon said, I'll get you the best Four Wheeler with all security features and I'll have someone you learn to drive safely third child said, I d like a wheelchair electric double turbo with a Hi-Fi stereo and cruise control 24 said, I'll get you the best Wait a second e, you are not disabled, you do need a wheelchair the child said, I will be when my father, Jimmie Johnson, discovered that I saved from drowning.
Tony Stewart birthday present is looking for a birthday gift for his wife when he goes into a department store and is close to a salesclerk, I d like to buy gloves for my wife, Tony said, eyeing the attractive saleswoman, but I do not know its size does this help she asked softly, putting his hand in his Oh, yes, he answers his hands are slightly smaller than yours will there be anything the sales girl asked as she wrapped the gloves now that you mention it, he replied: it also needs a bra and panties.
Car Accident Matt Kenseth and a priest get into a car accident and his bad Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, are injured They crawl out of their cars and Special K sees the necklace of the priest and said, You are a priest, I'm Matt Kenseth NASCAR driver Just look at our cars it's nothing but we are unhurt It must be a sign from God that God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days and the priest said, I agree with you it must be a sign of God says and Matt Kenseth, and look what here is another miracle My car is completely demolished but this bottle of blue Nun wine didn t break, surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune the priest is in full agreement, so Matt opened the bottle has 3 large drinks, then handed the bottle to the priest, the priest said he agreed and took the bottle didn t drink at all, replace the cap and handed back to Special K Jeff ed ask, Are not you going to have all the priest replied: No, I think I'll just wait for the police.
A tradegy Jeff Gordon is visiting a school in a class, ask students if anyone can give an example of a tragedy A little boy stands up and offers that if my best friend who lives next door playing in the street when a car came and killed him, it would be a tragedy not, Gordon said, it would be an ACCIDENT girl raises her hand If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved it would be a tragedy I'm not afraid not, says Wonderboy which is what we would call a GREAT LOSS the room is silent; none of the other children volunteer What does the Rainbow Warrior, isn t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy Finally a boy in the back raises his hand in a timid voice, he speaks If a plane carrying Tony Stewart, Jimmie Johnson and Jeff Gordon crashed into a mountain, it would be a great tragedy Gordon marvelous beams and can you tell me why it would be a tragedy, 'said the boy, because he wouldn t be an accident, and would certainly be no great loss.
Hell Mark Martin, Rusty Wallace and Dale Earnhardt found themselves in hell They were a little confused about their current situation, and they were surprised to see a door in the wall opened behind the door was perhaps the ugliest 1973 Pinto they had ever seen was multicolored very dirty rust and primer, you can feel even on the Brimstone voice of the devil was heard Mark, you have SIN you are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in the seat driver of this car, and Martin was whipped through the door by a group of lesser demons in his torment this naturally shook the other two, and so they both jumped when the second open and they saw door one more example of disgusting of automaking wrong It was a 1978 Gremlin was on smashed in each direction in which, covered with paint brushed house paint with thick hands and a lot of symbols peace and hippie colors It has a top speed of 34, the gift electrical circuit t work, and radio works, but only plays the f rom theme Hawaii Five-O and you can not turn off the voice of the devil was heard Rusty, you SIN you are sentenced to spend the rest of eternity in the driver's seat of the car and Rusty, like Martin before him, was whisked Dale Earnhardt, now alone, felt naturally worried, and feared the worst when the third door open and the door was slightly open, he strained to see the figure of a Dodge Viper 1998 Enchanted, Dale Earnhardt, take at the sight of this beautiful piece of automaking Delight, Shiney and powerful this car is made to run like hell Then he heard the voice of the devil telling Viper, you have sinned.
Bungee Jumping Bobby Labonte and Jeff Burton are bungee-jumping one day Bobby Jeff said, You know, we really suck as runners, but I bet we could make a lot of money running our own leap Service bungee Mexico Jeff think it's a great idea, the two pools their money and buy everything they need - turn elastic bungee cord, insurance, etc. they go to Mexico and begin to set up in the square as they build the tower, a crowd begins to rise slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work after they have everything ready, they decide to give the crowd a demonstration Bobby jumps and rebounds at the end of the cord, but when it is reconnected, Jeff notices that he has a few cuts and scratches Unfortunately, Jeff is not able to catch him, and Bobby falls again, bounces and comes back again this time he is bruised and still bleeding when Jeff misses Bobby again falls and rebounds this time it comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious Fortunately, Jeff finally catching up this time and said: what happened was the longer cord Bobby said, No, the cord was fine, but what the hell is a pinata.
Think Jimmie Johnson goes into a bar still wearing his racing suit and ordered a drink as he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young woman sitting beside him After ordering her drink, she turned to Superman asked, you are a race car driver to which he replied: well, I-I have spent all my life on track, the test chassis, test engines, tires testing , win races and I even won the NASCAR Sprint Cup After a while, he asked what she did answer him, I'm lesbian, I spend my whole day thinking about women as soon as I get up the morning, I think that women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of the women shortly before she left and runner Lowe ordered drink another couple sat next him and asked: are you a real NASCAR driver what he dir Ondu, I always thought I was, but I just discovered that I my lesbian too.
Changing Tony Stewart and Jeff Gordon clothes are changing clothes in the Tony cloakroom off his T-shirt and shorts he wears a bra and garter belt lace My God, exclaims Jeff, When did you start wearing underwear women since my wife found them in my glove compartment.
Car breaks down car breaks down on the highway Matt Kenseth, so September 12 makes it easier on the shoulder he walks gingerly from the car and opened the trunk to jump two of its crewmembers pit mac, which walk to the back the vehicle where they stand facing traffic coming the other way and begin to open their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers while two out of the back seat and start checking the car Not surprisingly , one of the worst pileups occurs, it is not very long before the police car appears cop, although enraged, screaming runs to the disabled vehicle Matt, what happens here My car broke down, said Special K, calm well, these are the perverts who are here by road cop screams are my emergency flashers replied Matt.
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